Patterns of Family Harm

Updated: Dec 19, 2022

Most things we do or experience in life form a pattern. Even family harm. If we only ever look at the events as single episodes of family harm, that can lead us to think ‘if we can just get through the weekend’, or ‘it’s only happening because we are stressed’. Ideas like this are excuses we use to try to make sense what’s happening and minimise what we are experiencing.

It’s better to look at these as events in a series creating patterns rather than incidents of family harm as there is always a link to the last time and the next time and they are almost always not one off episodes.

Thinking we know how to handle our partners or handle situations puts us directly in line of family harm because we think we understand the other person and know their limits. Family harm can be progressive and we slowly get used to harm so don’t see it so easily for what it is and then may not see the risk escalating.

When people have been really harmed or killed by a family member and then the cases are closely looked at, there is always a pattern that turned out to be visible where intervention for safety could have made a difference. This is where talking to someone who knows about these patterns can be useful for making decisions about the relationship, making a safety plan and understanding how the law can help.

Feel free to talk to us her at Family Relationship Services Trust.